Disappointment

2008 started shaky..... yes things seems well...

but so much negativity lingering around.... Pack schedules not helping... constant week end disappointments over minor things keeps creeping round.... a week end of hope often turns bad easily for me... I wonder why??

Maybe its wrong relationships, wrong expectations, wrong approach??

I find my self saying so many things that I my self recently failed to hold up to... Yet there was favour.

Prayer is simple but prayer is nothing without faith. I said that... but I fail to hold up to it... I fail to have that faith that is needed to push that simple prayer and see it happen... doubts.... questions of why how come... how can...?? always arises sigh....WOE to me who is a hipocrite...

The burden of lives creeps up on me... what to do?? Wisdom has been given By Him.... but why do I feel so lousy..?? I feel like I've been call to be there for this people... how can I be light if I can't just keep shining as a miserable candle??

My heart aches terribly... Why so?? where is the hope...

Persevere in time of dryness.... sounds like what I will keep doing... but the question is am I really dry or just down?? Why do I feel capable at the same time miserable like hell....

Maybe you can help me... Just maybe....

But then again.... how could you if you seem like you are in your own world doing your own thing.... of course u deserve it... but realy how la?? At the same time I know ... you mite need some one too but I can be totally ignorant about it. Why??? Communication??

Driving around is fine with the right company.... but to drive home alone every single day... staring blankly thinking lousy thoughts.... difficult... sigh... looking at things going to a Home that will be lonely... with nothing more than a mere computer as a partner.... one which has no soul.... How Stupid is that.... What else is there to do?? Looking at yet another screen?? doubt so...?? Read a page of words...??? Seriously doubt so

Sigh All but a little bit of faith, A little bit of hope.... just maybe the wounds that hurt mite heal in time.... wounds that are internal that no one would know off.... Except Him who is mighty...

I need to snap out of this mode.... I can't afford it... people cant afford it...