Hmm I feel so stuck... in a situation which I don't feel like I have the right to complain
I'm very very stressed out with exams that are coming up... Have I done enough?? I don't think so... I lay down at night feeling alone that if i do not do well I WILL be alone to face that fact.... The few that often ask me how am I??? I don't know how to tell you what I feel.... Its just unfair if I complain about everything I'm going through cause WHO deserves to listen to crap just cause I fail to hold up my own head??
If there is cracks.... conceal them quickly with cement.... who wants to see cracks up a supposedly good wall....
One day I was crying driving home.... being FED UP with my life..... being stuck.... I get no rest.... A lifestyle that is on edge..... and to imagine... the more rest I do get ... the more things I have to do when I get up.... I was just thinking hey what if I gave up on everything around me and wait for people to come to me..... Heh..... I realise its NOT MY CHOICE..... I HAVE NO CHOICE.... the live which I live isn't mine..... I made my self a promise a long long time ago.... that I will NEVER cry unless I really cannot bare the pain in my heart.....
I do to others what I hope others can do for me.... but most if not ALL fail.... I've tried to tell but words wont come..... I know there are some... Especially one whom can read my expressions well .... but sad to say I don't know how to express whats in my heart and on my mind... my concerns and pains all don't come out the way I'd hope you can understand..
I have wonderful friends.... some who can be absolutely lovable and some that can FAIL SO DAmm badly that they can't even think of you in the slightest of issues.... hmm hey wait after all who cares eh..... you're not in my shoes.... you don't give half as much as you supposedly can after all.....
Wednesday, May 21, 2008
Friday, May 16, 2008
Tuesday, May 6, 2008
Heat
Apparently today is just super warm.... Been at home the whole day.... absolutely nothing to do but study... but too lazy to do so ow well
argh.... sweating in your own home... what a phenomena
argh.... sweating in your own home... what a phenomena
Monday, May 5, 2008
Bummed Out
I'm quite gg fied today so I'll just post a bunch of pictures and let the pictures speak for them selves... most of them are already on facebook or Cheryl's blog.... so ow well
Blessed birthday to Mabel.. First time bday shout out on my blog.... I think.... ow well...
Thursday, May 1, 2008
Sunday, April 27, 2008
Thoughts in motion
Up so early... can't sleep.... its 6.26 am on a Sunday morning....
Woke up at 5.15 am.... not very fun cause I know later surely tired... but sigh couldn't really sleep....
brain all over the place..... mock exams is over and next week will be one week of 'holiday' but yet like unrelaxed.... the final is in a months time or so..... how to 'holiday'?? I don't know how....
Lets see... *picks the brain apart to see what to blog down..* hmm
Mistakes.... One would often think some one would learn from their mistakes... but in sad fact.... history repeats its self and people repeat the same mistake twice or more and maybe worst that before....
Often we hope to be let off the hook easily just cause we realise our mistake.. That is not really the possible case.... with everything wrong action is due responsibility and due punishment which ought to be brought down upon you... Thing is you never learn.... There is no check against you repeating whatever you did wrong the first time round
You are like a foolish soul charging down the road of life only to take a wrong turn twice cause practically the road in which you travel won't change over night. Living by that moment only to find yourself struggling to keep up with your own life....
Woke up at 5.15 am.... not very fun cause I know later surely tired... but sigh couldn't really sleep....
brain all over the place..... mock exams is over and next week will be one week of 'holiday' but yet like unrelaxed.... the final is in a months time or so..... how to 'holiday'?? I don't know how....
Lets see... *picks the brain apart to see what to blog down..* hmm
Mistakes.... One would often think some one would learn from their mistakes... but in sad fact.... history repeats its self and people repeat the same mistake twice or more and maybe worst that before....
Often we hope to be let off the hook easily just cause we realise our mistake.. That is not really the possible case.... with everything wrong action is due responsibility and due punishment which ought to be brought down upon you... Thing is you never learn.... There is no check against you repeating whatever you did wrong the first time round
You are like a foolish soul charging down the road of life only to take a wrong turn twice cause practically the road in which you travel won't change over night. Living by that moment only to find yourself struggling to keep up with your own life....
Monday, April 21, 2008
Exams = white hair....
Growing white hair... getting old -.-
Coloured haird aso still got one stray white hair... like stray animal -.-
Events or occurrence the past week/weekend
1. CY at mcd
2. Dinner at Manjalara,Kepong steam boat
3. Youth choir at DP
4. Lunch at .99
5. supposedly study time at Eric's house
6. played cs instead
7. basketball in the rain
8. T6 mock exam
9. practice with the aim mates
Events to come
1. T7 mock exam(Tuesday)
2. Practice with aim mates(Wednesday)
3. T8 mock exam (Thursday)
4. T9 mock exam ( Friday)
5. Aim graduation + some service (Friday)
hmm.... ow well.....
Its amazing how accountants and and engineers has different ways of presenting the same thing... -.-
AvP donut -.-
Big apple Donuts.... they taste just ok ....
A&W root beer ..
Stretch you hands as far as you can
Even if it hurts yourself
Some one else's life mite be change
a little pain for a change in 1 life
Monday, April 14, 2008
Roller Coaster Ride To be
Imagine waking up in the morning suddenly. You know you set your alarm clock to ring but that wasn't the thing that woke you up.
A cold room yet you break a sweat. The dream that you had woke you up. A mix of emotion. A sweet thought of the person you admire and the scare of a work load ahead of your day. Your body feels as if it never slept. Tired and worry some you stretch out to look at your phone. Its 30 minutes till the time you're suppose to wake up. Fear creeps into your mind.
How will I survive the long day ahead.... By what means would I have the strength to finish all that I need to do?? I am so tired... I wish the next moments would just not come... maybe if possible... sigh
You step in a room filled with people you know only to find out of the work load that awaits during your week...
What do you do when all seems to come and slap you in the face...
What do you do when communication fail to bring across the msg that you want to share?? What if that dire point of your life comes and your cry for help could not be understood by any one?? You're forced to say things that does not represent your self just cause you don't know what else to say or do...
That's when it seems like that downward spiral comes... The fear grips your heart giving you a shake out of your shoes.... Fearful... likely.... but maybe if you're a thrill seeker you would love that escalation point... Necessary?? Doubtly.... Fun??? Unlikely...
Will you scream first on the way up and just keep quiet at the point where the screams ought to come?
Maybe that's good.... Hide everything so no one else knows and everyone else can be happy while you suffer in silence?
Just remember behind every mask is an individual and some one some where will definitely recognize you.... even if blood is shed and hearts are broken ... some one will come running at the end for all that you are and all that you do..hopefully la that is -.-
A cold room yet you break a sweat. The dream that you had woke you up. A mix of emotion. A sweet thought of the person you admire and the scare of a work load ahead of your day. Your body feels as if it never slept. Tired and worry some you stretch out to look at your phone. Its 30 minutes till the time you're suppose to wake up. Fear creeps into your mind.
How will I survive the long day ahead.... By what means would I have the strength to finish all that I need to do?? I am so tired... I wish the next moments would just not come... maybe if possible... sigh
You step in a room filled with people you know only to find out of the work load that awaits during your week...
What do you do when all seems to come and slap you in the face...
What do you do when communication fail to bring across the msg that you want to share?? What if that dire point of your life comes and your cry for help could not be understood by any one?? You're forced to say things that does not represent your self just cause you don't know what else to say or do...
That's when it seems like that downward spiral comes... The fear grips your heart giving you a shake out of your shoes.... Fearful... likely.... but maybe if you're a thrill seeker you would love that escalation point... Necessary?? Doubtly.... Fun??? Unlikely...
Will you scream first on the way up and just keep quiet at the point where the screams ought to come?
Maybe that's good.... Hide everything so no one else knows and everyone else can be happy while you suffer in silence?
Just remember behind every mask is an individual and some one some where will definitely recognize you.... even if blood is shed and hearts are broken ... some one will come running at the end for all that you are and all that you do..hopefully la that is -.-
Tuesday, April 8, 2008
Such Pain
Hmm... Being sick ain't fun
Its 5 days and I haven't been able to recover... How unfortunate... Sigh.... Maybe I'm pushing my self too hard.... Study... Ministry.... Life.... Friends.... Either that or I'm just practically hopeless at managing my self....
Hmm don't care too much about yourself for others are going through situations which are much worst. Let those who love you care about you eh??
Ok lets see.... Sore throat, a weird relapsing fever it comes on and off at weird times... dry cough... and in the mornings I get too spit out wonderful coloured phlegm laced with streaks of blood due to a very bad throat.... don't worry its not vomiting blood... its just bruised throat....
"sexy voice syndrome" -.- I think only 2 people heard me over the phone with this voice... excluding family of course....
When I called Cheryl her first reaction was like... whoa..... so low!!! hahaha amusing
She's one happy girl ;) blessed beyond measure....
Hmm.... sigh.... finish up work and sleep early.... heh.... that's what I need to do.... been a little difficult .... Every time I close my eyes.... Thought run through my head... THis That THis THAT ... I wish life was a little bit easier... sigh...
Its 5 days and I haven't been able to recover... How unfortunate... Sigh.... Maybe I'm pushing my self too hard.... Study... Ministry.... Life.... Friends.... Either that or I'm just practically hopeless at managing my self....
Hmm don't care too much about yourself for others are going through situations which are much worst. Let those who love you care about you eh??
Ok lets see.... Sore throat, a weird relapsing fever it comes on and off at weird times... dry cough... and in the mornings I get too spit out wonderful coloured phlegm laced with streaks of blood due to a very bad throat.... don't worry its not vomiting blood... its just bruised throat....
"sexy voice syndrome" -.- I think only 2 people heard me over the phone with this voice... excluding family of course....
When I called Cheryl her first reaction was like... whoa..... so low!!! hahaha amusing
She's one happy girl ;) blessed beyond measure....
Hmm.... sigh.... finish up work and sleep early.... heh.... that's what I need to do.... been a little difficult .... Every time I close my eyes.... Thought run through my head... THis That THis THAT ... I wish life was a little bit easier... sigh...
Tuesday, April 1, 2008
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